Au pairs provide more than just childcare

By Stacy Gittleman

The biggest challenge in parenting for dual-income couples with demanding careers is finding affordable, reliable, flexible, and nurturing childcare.

The Economic Policy Institute reports that the average annual cost of infant care in Michigan is $10,023—that’s $835 per month. Childcare for a 4-year-old costs $9,007, or $751 each month.

According to the Department of Health and Human Services’ affordability standard, childcare should cost no more than seven percent of a family’s income. But a typical family in Michigan spends about 20 percent of its income on childcare for an infant and a 4-year-old. Compare this to states such as California that have the highest childcare costs, where caring for an infant full time can cost nearly $22K, taking up nearly 19 percent of the average family income of $119K.

Employing an au pair may not be affordable than other options for working families. But au pairing, as hosts, sponsoring agencies, and those who worked in the profession, is more than childcare. It is welcoming a young person from another country into your home for a year or maybe two, and ideally building lasting relationships based on trust and exchanges of culture.

For decades, au pairing in America has been viewed as the most personal and rewarding cultural exchange for both the American host family and the au pair, often a young woman between the ages of 18 and 27.

The United States Department of State said that in 2025 Michigan welcomed 258 au pairs out of 16,840 nationwide participants.  The number is lower than pre-pandemic levels, when in 2019, 21,551 participated in the au pair program nationally.

According to Au Pair USA, one of the country’s largest au pair sponsoring agencies, the host family pays an average fee of $10,000 to an agency, which covers screening, training, and visa costs.  Additionally, the host family is expected to cover a weekly salary of at least $195.75, full room and board - which includes a private bedroom not located in a basement- up to $500 in tuition for the required education component of the program, and transportation support for classes and regional social programs with other local au pairs. The host family must also place the au pair on their driver’s insurance if the au pair is expected to drive and pay the au pair’s round-trip airfare to the United States at the conclusion of the assignment.

“The au pair program is one of the clearest examples of what we call people-to-people diplomacy,” said Patricia Brunner, the managing director of the International Au Pair Association (IAPA) based in Munich, Germany. “Rather than passing through as a tourist, an au pair lives with a host family- sharing meals, holidays, school, everyday routines - and immerses in the culture and language as part of daily life, not as an observer of it. That produces the kind of real, lived experience that normal travel simply can’t offer.”

Brunner said that by hosting an international au pair, families expose their young children and themselves to another culture firsthand. Host families share meals, traditions, language and everyday life with someone from countries in Europe, Latin America, Asia, or Africa.

At the same time, au pairs return home with an authentic understanding of life in the United States that goes far beyond what they see in movies or on social media.

Host families interviewed by Downtown describe their au pairs expressing delight at the sight of iconic American mainstays such as yellow school buses on the road or red plastic cups at parties. They love shopping in our grocery stores and malls or attending a baseball game. And, like many other foreigners who visited the United States this summer during the FIFA World Cup, they have taken on a bit of an obsession with ranch dressing.

Brunner said all 14 au pair sponsor agencies in the United States are required to conduct a thorough vetting process of both the au pairs and the families applying to host them. The host agency provides au pairs with an orientation upon arrival in the United States, including a comprehensive overview of American culture and what to expect in daily life here.

The agencies must also be transparent about fees, visa requirements, housing, representations and disclosures, and provide an itemized list of all fees to be paid as well as a description of other costs that an au pair will likely incur while in the United States.

While the au pair is on assignment, the agency acts as their liaison. It keeps track of the physical location, progress, and well-being of the au pair. The agency must file monthly paperwork for each au pair to the U.S. Department of State.

“Before they travel to the United States and join a host family, au pairs are required to complete training sessions, and these are neither optional nor informal,” Brunner stressed. “Training covers child development, health and safety, US culture and household norms. We also brief them on the program’s regulations, including the allotted weekly hours, minimum stipend, time off, and education requirement.”

Brunner said expectations by the host family need to be established well before the au pair’s arrival.

“This is a shared responsibility of the US sponsor, the host family and the au pair,” Brunner said. “Au pairs need to be provided with a realistic picture of what day-to-day life and work in an American household looks like. Host families need to be clear about what they can and cannot expect from an au pair regarding hours, duties, house rules, and cultural differences. Mismatched expectations are one of the most common sources of friction in any placement, so both sides preparing the same way is central to preventing problems before they start.”

After the au pair’s arrival, agencies are expected to provide ongoing training and support. The au pair and the host family have monthly meetings and get-togethers with regional agency supervisors. There are also monthly social events, trips, and excursions planned exclusively for au pairs who live nearby each other. Events can include a trip to a local museum or cultural attraction, going to a sporting event, having a picnic, or checking out a great fixture in American pastime culture – the local bowling alley.

If the match is not working out, Brunner said a rematch process can be processed, but sometimes the au pair must remain with the first family up to two weeks while alternative placements are secured unless a serious concern is raised.

Experts in the field say the numbers have not jumped back to their pre-pandemic levels because of overseas fears and perceptions of draconian U.S. immigration policies set by the second Trump administration.

Since 1961, au pairs enter the United States on the non-immigrant J-1 Exchange Visitor visa to participate in the BridgeUSA Exchange Visitor Program administered by the U.S. Department of State. A J-1 visa is issued for an initial term of 12 months, with the option to extend for an additional six, nine, or 12 months — for a maximum total of 24 months in the program.

On July 16, the United States Department of Homeland Security (DHS) published the final rule that officially eliminates the “duration of status” loophole that allowed foreign students, exchange visitors, and media representatives to remain in the United States indefinitely without routine government oversight. The ruling states that nonimmigrant students on F Visas and exchange visitors on J-1 Visas will be admitted for the length of their specific program, not to exceed a maximum period of four years. The ruling takes effect Sept. 15, 2026, following the required congressional review period.

While the au pair program is not directly changing, as the Department of State continues to evaluate all program extensions for each au pair. However, in September, the DHS will begin to administer its own authorization for au pairs to extend their stay in the United States for a second year, which may add to more red tape and possibly additional expenses for au pairs, agencies, and their hosts.

According to the Alliance for International Exchange, a Washington, D.C.-based lobbying organization that represents eight of the largest au pair agencies, in the early summer of 2025, key countries that once fully participated in the BridgeUSA exchange program announced reductions in J-1 Visa interviews by 50-90 percent, with more countries potentially following suit.

The Alliance on their website reported that a bipartisan group from the House of Representatives in Congress sent a bipartisan letter urging Secretary of State Marco Rubio to ensure that sufficient consular resources are in place worldwide for the timely visa processing of J-1 Visa exchange visitors in 2026 ahead of the FIFA World Cup, the nation’s 250th birthday, and the many summer camping and excursions programs that traditionally employ foreign students and young adults.

The Alliance has been monitoring developments concerning au pairs since 2024 that led to July’s final ruling. In 2024, the Alliance delivered a 50-page letter with many supportive comments to the Department of State by mobilizing a grassroots letter-writing campaign that generated more than 5,000 comments from the larger au pair community.

After the July ruling, the organization remains concerned. It believes that the ruling will deter young foreigners from participating in cultural exchange programs in the United States.

“The final rule closely mirrors the framework proposed last August, and the Alliance’s concerns remain largely unchanged,” the organization stated on its website. “Specifically, we are concerned that the rule will add unnecessary complexity, increase costs, and create greater uncertainty throughout the extension process for all parties involved.”

Ruby Robinson, senior managing attorney with the Michigan Immigrant Rights Center (MIRC), said the final ruling demonstrates another attempt by the Trump Administration to limit the opportunities for non-citizens to study, learn, and experience life in the United States by requiring greater touchpoints with DHS during their learning journeys.

“These changes primarily affect students and exchange visitors learning in and supporting institutions of higher education, medicine and research,” said Robinson. “Other categories of J-1 non-immigrants include professors and research scholars, short-term scholars, trainees and interns, college and university students, teachers, secondary school students, specialists, physicians, international visitors, government visitors, camp counselors, au pairs, and summer work travel. The costs for individuals on a J visa are borne by both the individual foreign national and the employer or the academic institution. Like many regulations considered or implemented by this administration, this is an overly drastic and broad approach that harms more people.”

Despite these regulations, there inevitably is abuse and exploitation of au pairs by both the sponsoring agencies and the families who host them.

The Government Accountability Project, a whistleblower organization, in partnership with the Huffington Post in 2020 published a report based on accounts of 125 au pairs surveyed who worked in the United States in 2016. In this sample, 83 au pairs said they regularly worked overtime, and many said they had reported it to two main sponsor agencies: Cultural Care and Au Pair in America.

Despite the complaints, the report concluded that the Department of State has not sanctioned the agencies, and they are still operating to this present day.

In a statement emailed to Downtown, the Department of State said: “The Department of State prioritizes the health, safety, and welfare of our exchange participants. The Department takes every case of alleged abuse seriously and coordinates with law enforcement to safeguard every participant. Exchange visitors and third parties may contact the Department’s J-1 Visa Emergency Hotline at 1-866-283-9090, which is available 24 hours a day for urgent situations. Individuals facing an immediate threat should contact 911 or the appropriate local law enforcement authorities.

The Trump administration is protecting our nation and our citizens by upholding the highest standards of national security and public safety through our visa process. Every J-1 Visa application is adjudicated individually under applicable U.S. law, and applicants must establish that he or she qualifies for the visa requested.

The International Labor Recruitment Working Group, a coalition of nearly 30 organizations and academics that analyzes labor markets and economic conditions in 2018 published “Short Changed: Big Business Behind the Low-Wage J-1 Au Pair Program”

The report compiled stories of au pairs who said that work, rather than cultural exchange, was the central component of their experience. Au pairs report that their sponsor agencies communicated one narrative to the au pairs on what they would expect and what their experience would be like, and then a separate narrative to host families on what they should require of their au pairs during their stay. The report maintained that while sponsor agencies and their foreign affiliates promise au pairs a cultural exchange program at the time of recruitment, sponsor agencies advertise the program to host families as an affordable and flexible childcare program, electing not to emphasize the educational and cultural exchange components. When au pair and host family interests come into conflict, au pairs report that sponsor agencies sided with families, putting au pairs at risk of coercion.

In 2019, the Colorado-based advocacy group Towards Justice won for 100,000 au pairs who worked in the United States between 2009 and 2018 a proposed $65.5 million settlement of a lawsuit brought by a dozen former au pairs against the companies that bring the workers to the United States.

The case, filed in 2014, was brought before the U.S. District Court in Colorado by dozens of au pairs from Colombia, Australia, Germany, South Africa, and Mexico. The au pairs accused the sponsoring agencies of collaborating with host families to keep wages low, ignoring overtime and state minimum wage laws, and treating the federal minimum wage for au pairs as a maximum amount they can earn. At the time, the organization claimed the win to be the largest settlement ever filed on behalf of minimum wage workers, paving the way for au pairs to seek higher wages and better working conditions.

Anna Hill Galendez, managing attorney at MIRC, said the J-1 Visa au pair program lacks meaningful oversight and is structured to leave au pairs vulnerable to being overworked and underpaid rather than facilitating education and mutual cultural exchange.

“Au pairs should know that they should not be made to work more than 10 hours a day or 45 hours a week and that work should be limited to childcare,” said Galendez. “They should receive at least one weekend off per month, 1.5 days off per week, and 2 weeks of paid vacation. They should also receive $500 towards their education and a stipend of at least $195.75 per week.” Galendez said that any diversion from this ideal arrangement, such as if the au pair does not get properly paid or works above the legally allotted hours, places the au pair, often young and far from home, in a vulnerable position.

“Au pairs facing abuse or exploitation by their host family are particularly vulnerable to threats of immigration enforcement in the current environment,” Galendez said. “Au pairs risk losing their visa status if they leave their host families or lose their housing, and are not authorized to work anywhere else.”

Like all persons present in the United States, regardless of citizenship or immigration status, Galendez reminds that au pairs are covered by constitutional protections.

“This means that if they encounter law enforcement, they are entitled to due process and have protection against unreasonable search and seizure,” Galendez said. “They have the right to remain silent, to review an arrest or search warrant, the right to talk to an attorney, the right to make a phone call, the right to notify their embassy or consulate, and the right to language access via translation/interpretation.”

One of the gravest cases of abuse and sexual exploitation in a fraudulent au pair arrangement occurred in Michigan in 2022 when an East Lansing man lured an Italian woman over a website for a fake au pair position and then raped her on arrival.

According to records from the U.S. Attorney’s Office of the Western District of Michigan, the victim, known as A.S., in 2022 met Arisknight Arkin-Everett Winfree on the website www.aupair.com.

Unlike the sponsoring full-service agencies that work through the U.S. State Department, www.aupair.com is not screened, monitored, or regulated. Users of the website are strongly cautioned to conduct their own vetting before they take an au pair assignment.

Over a flurry of WhatsApp message exchanges, Winfree explained that the victim would be caring for his niece and she would have the opportunity to enjoy his lakefront home, explore nearby beaches, and travel with the family on other excursions. He asked the victim about her passport status, her family, and how she was going to pay for her travel arrangements. He instructed her to forgo the J-1 Visa application and told her she would be caring for his niece for three months.

The victim arrived in the United States at JFK International Airport. There, she aroused suspicions from the authorities at Customs and Border Protection (CBP).

According to court reports, CBP briefly detained A.S. and asked her if her parents knew about the trip, how much money she was traveling with, and why she was staying for three months. CBP unsuccessfully tried to call Winfree and ultimately allowed her to complete her trip to Detroit Metro Airport (DTW).  

Upon her arrival at Winfree’s home, A.S. thought it odd that there were no toys, games, or any evidence that a child lived there. There were no family pictures to be found in a house where all the windows were covered with newspaper. What A.S. did notice, according to the court reports, was a stash of firearms and mounted cameras in every interior angle of the home.

Winfree asked A.S. to perform some housework, and then asked her to give him a massage, which she said made her uncomfortable. Soon after, he handcuffed her and raped her. After the assault, in the middle of the night, he drove her to the East Lansing bus stop, where she took a bus to DTW, phoned her boyfriend to explain what happened, and went to an emergency room in Milan immediately after her return.

Winfree was convicted by a federal grand jury in October 2024 and is now serving a life sentence in a federal prison.

Those working for au pair agencies interviewed by Downtown were shocked to hear about this case and explained the thorough nature of screening host families before the arrival of foreign participants and maintaining close contact with them throughout their entire stay in the United States.

Based in Boston, Libby Sudlow is a regional overseer for Au Pair Care who began working for the company. As a single mother, the position proved to be a good fit. She has been with the agency for 17 years.

Inspired by her own high school memories as an exchange student in Israel and France, Sudlow now helps au pairs navigate their exchange experiences in the United States.

Sudlow oversees four au pair placement directors in Metro Detroit. Through Au Pair Care, host family applicants go through a rigorous screening process, including a criminal background check, and must submit letters of recommendation. Area field managers then visit the family a few times before accepted into the program.

“We are looking to find any inclinations as to why we would not trust them with a young woman coming from overseas to work with their children,” Sudlow said. “We are checking out the family dynamic, we inspect where the au pair will sleep and have access to a bathroom, that they have their own, private bedroom and access to the kitchen and partake in family meals. We also make sure that the host family understands this is not just a babysitting or childcare arrangement. They are signing up for a cultural exchange.”

Sudlow said that the regional director will go over the rules and regulations as stated above by the BridgeUSA program, making sure that the au pair will have days off, one weekend a month off, and up to two weeks for vacation, and time to meet their educational requirement.

At Au Pair Care, weekly salary paid by the host family starts at $215.

“Host families need to understand the au pair is not a maid or the family personal chef,” asserted Sudlow. “They may do some tidying up after the children and make some meals for kids, but their housework obligations are very limited. They must have a real bedroom, not a basement with no windows, and we are also checking that their rooms can be exited safely in case of a fire. Essentially, we expect the host family to treat the au pair as if they are part of their family.”

And in most cases, Sudlow said the young women who work as au pairs stay in touch with their host families long after they return home. Sudlow recalled stories of au pairs returning to America for a visit, or the family of the au pair inviting the host family overseas to visit, or host families traveling as far as Japan to attend a former au pair’s wedding.

Sudlow said that in the 40 years Au Pair Care has been in operation, it has worked within the immigration and visa policies of many presidential administrations with bipartisan support. In fact, many elected officials participate in the program themselves.

Never has there been a level of fear or apprehension of participating in the au pair exchange program as high as it is now, and Sudlow sees a drop-off in numbers in certain countries that are not granting visas for their residents to participate in the au pair program.

Sudlow said her local directors are hearing not from the au pairs, but the host parents themselves, that the au pairs have expressed fear of the increased presence of U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE) agents in the communities where they work.  

“ICE is the deterrent, and it shouldn’t be, because our au pairs are here legally and have all their paperwork,” Sudlow said. “But what they see on the news does scare them, especially our male, Spanish-speaking au pairs. ICE is why there is now hesitation to participate in the au pair program. Though I have not heard any examples of any of our au pairs being stopped or questioned by ICE, they are afraid. (The January 2026 killing of a man) by ICE in Minneapolis happened within a block from some of our families. And it was the host family’s parents, not the au pairs, who were calling us, saying their au pair was scared. In Minneapolis, I have had a few au pairs voluntarily leave the program and go back home. And there’s nothing I can do to convince them to stay. Also, images of ICE in the media on our streets are being seen all over the world. This has impacted our program in the number of au pairs wanting to come here from overseas.”

At the local level, for five years, Kristel Tillman has been an area au pair manager with Au Pair Care. A native of South Africa, she herself started her life in America as an au pair.

Tillman said of the young women she oversees, most of the time, things are going well. She has never had to file a complaint with the Department of State due to abuse or exploitation. But sometimes, an au pair may need to be rematched with another family, but not for the reasons one might think.

This is what happened when Tillman began her au pair journey. She was matched with a family from Minnesota. While she got along with the family, this native of South Africa, where temperatures hover between 48 and 76 degrees year-round, could not get used to the cold.

“This was a lovely family who wanted me to accompany them on all their winter outdoor adventures,” recalled Tillman. “We are talking ice fishing and snow hiking, and camping, and I was not a camping girl. They needed someone who loved the outdoors, and that was not me.”

Eventually, she was rematched with a family from Ann Arbor, with whom she remains in close contact to this day. While in Ann Arbor, she secured a student visa and attended Oakland Community College, where she met her soon-to-be husband during her senior year. They were married in 2005.

Now she supervises and provides support for au pairs in Bloomfield Township, Novi, Northville, Brighton, West Bloomfield, Farmington Hills, and one lone au pair out in Frankenmuth.

Each month, Tillman plans a regional social get-together for the au pairs, and there are social events once or twice a year for au pairs with their host families. Au pairs are required to come to these events at least once a quarter. It is mandatory for the au pair to check in at least once per month with Tillman via email or a phone call.

All correspondence is entered into the company portal, and at the end of each form filled out by the au pair is a prompt asking them if they have any questions or need an extra check in from their regional manager. All correspondence is filed on each au pair with the Department of State on the 25th of each month.

“Sometimes, the au pair will have a question on how to fulfill their education hours requirement and other times, it may be that the au pair feels like they are working too many hours,” Tillman said. “In some cases, I’ll schedule a home visit with the family just to reiterate the rules and the guidelines of the program.”

Tillman continued: “Did I know au pairs who were treated badly? Sure,” said Tillman. “As an au pair, a lot of things can happen, but since I have been an area manager, complaints of any mistreatment are few and far between. And since I have been in this job, there is not one au pair I know of that has made a complaint directly to the State Department.”

Lindsey Shaw Eddleston, who lives in Bloomfield Hills with her husband Jason and two children ages three and one, has hosted several au pairs for three years through Au Pair Care.

Lindsey is a commercial real estate broker, and Jason operates several small businesses, including Ray’s Ice Cream in Royal Oak. She describes their life as “always on.” In addition to their busy work and family life schedules, the couple also serve on multiple organization boards of directors.

From her memories studying abroad in Spain in college to her husband’s family being from the United Kingdom, the Eddlestons have always enjoyed immersing themselves in international culture. With a desire for their children to absorb a second or even a third language from an early age, they have hosted au pairs from Mexico, Spain, Brazil, and now Chile.

“With one of the au pairs we corresponded and met online in advance of their arrival to the United States, and it was their first time here,” Eddleston said. “The next two times, we intentionally sought out au pairs who were already here, seeking a rematch because of timing constraints. We could not wait for delays from either the agency, the U.S. Department of State delaying their visa, or dealing with visa denial from their home countries.”

They love showing off Detroit to their au pairs and have annual traditions with them such as outings to see the holiday lights at the Detroit Zoo or visits to the Detroit Institute of Arts. They also take them on vacations Up North. Their youngest au pair was 19, and the oldest was 26. Over the years, the Eddlestons have maintained some contact with the au pairs they have employed. They built relationships with some of the women’s families by having chats over Zoom. Eddleston said that the family of one of their au pairs traveled to the United States and visited with them.

“In our personal lives, we have always emphasized appreciation for different cultures in our friendships and sampling from international cuisine,” Eddleston said. “We thought having an au pair come firsthand and share their culture and their language with our family would be a really cool experience. We are also proud Michiganders and Detroiters. We have been happy to share this pride with our au pairs and love to show off what makes living here great. We were very comfortable with opening up our home to au pairs to live with us and have that consistency in childcare for our kids.”

Eddleston advised anyone thinking about hiring an au pair to make sure the arrangement is something built on trust, respect and understanding. House rules must be established in writing long before the visitor’s arrival.  

And, as with any family with a young adult living at home, whether or not they are a blood relative, there needs to be established rules on dating and socializing. The Eddlestons hosted au pairs ranging in ages from 19 to 26. That means they had to readjust expectations for each other about going out, avoiding underage drinking, and dating.  

Eddleston said a delicate balance must be struck as a host family. Host adults play both the role of stand-in parents to these young people so far from home but they are also their bosses. And that can lead to some tricky situations.

“Some of our au pairs have told us straight out that they want to find a boyfriend or even a potential husband,” Eddleston said. “When it comes to dating and other house rules, each family sets up its own and puts it all in writing before the au pair’s arrival. For our family, there are no men allowed to stay overnight in the house. Anyone who may be coming over, we need to meet and know first, and no random people met on dating apps or social media can come to our home.”

There are also cultural and language barriers that come up, and nothing should be taken for granted.

“Do not assume that they understand American slang, culture, or American urban and suburban lifestyles,” Eddleston explained. “Don’t be afraid to use tools like Google Translate. And while some au pairs may come from wealthy or educated families, others may be coming from rural areas where they may not even know how to use a dishwasher.”

Back in West Bloomfield, Sobol said when she is asked for advice on whether to employ an au pair, she tells friends and colleagues to imagine what it would be like to have a young adult who is extended family come to live with them for a year or maybe two.

Sobol, working through the agency InterExchange, hosted three au pairs from Poland, Mexico and Brazil when her twins, now 20, were school-aged. She described two great and one as “mediocre.” In general, it was a positive experience for her family, and she would recommend it to others, especially those with demanding job schedules.

“The way I see the au pair-host relationship is it has to be built on complete trust, and that includes issues like using your car,” Sobol said. “If you cannot trust an au pair to be reliable enough to use your car (within reason), how do you trust them with your children? When my family hosted au pairs, we wanted them to enjoy their time in the United States. We traveled with them and let them travel in the country on their own. When they wanted to go on a camping trip with friends, we said, ‘Sure, and here is our tent you can use.’’’

Echoing Eddleston’s thoughts on the social and dating lives of au pairs, Sobol said there can be sticky situations at times.

“We wanted someone over the age of 21 because we wanted them to be more mature and have a social life,” Sobol said. “Other families I knew wanted them younger, which would prevent them from possibly going out (to bars illegally). And while some have no interest in dating at all, others have said straight out: I would love to meet an American man.”